How does RCB counter the threat of Lasith Malinga ?

I was about to begin my fitness routine of bending elbows when the RCB batting unit came into my room, followed by a rather upset looking Jay Rennings. He looked very concerned.

I wondered if there were some security issues all over once again.

I greeted them: “Hello guys! Nice surprise seeing you all here. What’s the matter, anyways?”

Before any of them could answer, Jay thundered at them. “Look guys. I know what is best. Who is this joker here?” he said pointing at me. “And what can he do to help you face Malinga?”

The RCB unit looked at me intently.

I dramatically threw my arms in the air for impact. “Look guys, I am not into abducting people, holding them hostage and stuff like that.”

Dilly spoke first: “Noo, noo! We just came for some ideas on how to handle Malinga?”

“Oh, I see. Can I get a season pass for all RCB games?” I decided to ride my luck and see where it took me.

“Of cooooooooourse!” the entire batting unit went in chorus, much like school children wishing ‘Good morning Ma’aaaaam’!

Jay was fuming now: “Look fellas, I’m the coach, and I will tell you’ll how to play.”

“Boss, you can tell how to play, but you are not the one out there to play him!” piped in Kirat Vohli, rather sarcastically but matter of factly. He looked genuinely worried.

Jay Rennings was seething. “I AM OUT OF HERE!” he said and stomped as the RCB unit gleefully clapped their hands like a bunch of school kids who were told that the moral science class had been called off.“YAAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!” they screamed and exchanged high-fives!

As they looked at me, I went on the offensive. “So guys, when can I get the tickets? Season passes, ok?”

“Sure, sure but tell us what we need to do to ensure that we don’t lose our wickets to Malinga,” piped in Van Dettori.

“Errrrrr… you can get out to the bowler on the other end!”

ve Dilliers looked very irritated and had his fist rolled into a ball, “Look, we are serious. We are not here for jokes. We are here to get a solution.” And for impact, he pulled out a few tickets with his other hand and started fanning himself.

“Well guys, the solution is simple,” I said. “Did you see Malinga at the post-match interview?”

Some heads shook vertically, some horizontally.

“Look, Malinga practices with a shoe placed at the crease. Do you know that?”

Every head shook in acknowledgement. “We have been seeing his videos for the last 48 hours but are clueless how to handle him!” cried Taurabh Siwary!

“Solution is simple guys!! Malinga simply zones in on the shoes!!!

When your turn comes to face Malinga, simply face him without your shoes! Go barefoot to bat against him. That will confuse the heck out of him and make him clueless where to bowl!!!

A wave of happy screams rented the air, as the RCB batting unit jumped in joy.

“And guys, if you want to make it even better, carry your shoes and place them outside the off stump, and then hammer the full length balls outside the park!!”

Dhoni's Tonsured Head - The Reason

My editor threw back the CWC final report at my face. “People see the game live, and over and over and over again on TV! You describe the game all over and call this an article?. Get something better or you are fired!” he screamed.

Crestfallen, I wondered what to do, and thought the best idea would be to meet the best Leader in the country and get some ideas.

All roads seem to be leading to Chennai, and when I expressed my inability to get to Chennai from Bangalore, my Editor again screamed! “Think!! Think!! You cannot get to Chennai given the IPL game there on 8th!! Take a flight to Delhi, use some political influence to get a ticket, telling them you will garner Tamil Nadu electoral votes and then fly to Chennai”.

Now who do I run into after landing at New Delhi airport? Virender Sehwag himself!!

“Congratulations Viru! You have created history, do you know??” I rushed to him.

Viru smiled, “Thanks, thanks, I know”

“Oye Viru, am not talking of the win! I think you are the only batsman to have used the UDRS twice in three deliveries faced, and then walked back to the pavilion twice!!”

“Arre yaar, what to do?” Viru sounded genuinely apologetic. “We just don’t understand UDRS na!!! I all along thought it was VDRS!!”

“VDRS?”

“Yeah, I thought it was Viru Dismissal Rejection System!!”

Viru was kind enough to call for emergency service as I collapsed to the floor. Managing my way to Chennai, I rushed straight to meet the Leader himself, Mahendra Singh Dhoni!

I was delivered another body blow as I entered his room. I found Dhoni sobbing bitterly, face buried in his palms!

Unwittingly I screamed in Tamil “Dey Mottai!! Yenna aachu?” (‘Hey Tonsured! What happened? ’ or “Oye Taklu! Kya huva?”).

He looked up and then graduated from sobbing to wailing aloud!! “Nooooooooooooooo!” he wailed, as I stood in shock! Captain cool as a cucumber who never showed any expressions on the field, acknowledged at the best leader in the country crying like this??

I moved closer to him. “Mahi!! What happened? Did someone tease you as Mahendra Shakaal Dhoni?”

His head shook vigorously.

“Huh? Did Sakshi ban you from partying and going after other………….”

“No no, she has gone to her maikey!” and he continued to wail.

“Boss! Tell me why you are crying!! You are a leader, and leaders don’t cry! You are the best, better than Kapil or Dada or anyone! You are better than Bradman, better than Benaud, better than Lloyd, better than Ian Chappell, better than Illingworth!! Better than everyone! Even Tendulkar could never be a leader, not even be a captain for long!”

“Exactly!” he continued to sob, “and do you know why I tonsured my head?”

“I know why you are crying now Mahi!!” I was excited now, thinking I had figured out the reason! “Gillette didn’t give you a million dollar contract for the head blade advertisement is it?”

The back handed slap from Mahi sent me sprawling across the room. Crawling on all fours and now red faced, which is very different for me, I got back closer to the now bitterly sobbing man.

“Please tell me! Are you crying because Guru Gary is gone?”

“You just don’t follow at all, do you?” Dhoni looked up, “What do leaders do?”

“Well, they ….. they make a lot of money!”

“Aaargghhh!!” he looked around for something heavy and I quickly backtracked on all fours on the floor.

“Boss!! Please please, tell me why?” I pleaded, from a safe distance now.

“Think!! What do leaders do? “

“Errrrr ….. they lead, win a lot of cups and stuff!”

“And?” he thundered now. “OK! What does the PM do?”

“He does what madam tells him!”

“Aarrrgghhhh!!”, he made a motion that seemed like that of one wanting to his hair in frustration before realization struck him. “You don’t understand at all! Leaders show the way right? Yes or no?”

“Ofcourse ofcourse Mahi!”

“And why do you think I removed all my hair?” he was now looking intently at me.

I shook my head, completely accepting defeat!

“I have to lead the team man, and I wanted to show the way! I was hoping that by tonsuring my hair Sreesanth will follow me and remove that ugly bush off his head!! I called to check if he had done it but that joker was having a coconut oil hair treatment before going to streak his hair to look more like Malinga now!!

“Mera baaaaal!” he clutched his tonsured head and then resumed wailing.

Gambhir explains the fly in the ointment while running with Yuvraj!

I finally managed to get hold of Gautam Gambhir, and found him chewing on a ball in his room. Shocked, I asked: “Yo Gauti! What’s going on buddy?”

“Practicing for the game, yaar!” responded Gauti, as he again tried to bite into the shiny side.

“Sure you ought to be practicing, but shouldn’t that be running between the wickets?” I asked softly, not knowing how he will react.

“Are you mad?” Gambhir thundered. “You fans have a short memory, and you have forgotten what Shahid Afridi did in Australia some time back.”

“Worry not about public memory, Gauti. Everyone will remember the running between wickets at Motera. Actually, my sources tell me that Salman Butt, Mohammed Amir and Mohammad Asif thought they had you for company now!”

In a fit of anger, Gambhir yelled at me: “Shut up before I elbow you out the Watson way, you idiot!”

“Easy, easy, Gauti! Just that it was a tense game and you know……..” I was desperate now trying to find a way to stay in the room.

“Look, you arm chair morons have no clue to what is going on in the middle, do you? Have you ever held a bat?” Gambhir sneeringly asked.

“Well, well, Gauti……. I had a wooden toy bat when I was toddler for a long time, just that it was not Kashmir willow. With all good intent my people fed me only Kashmir apples to keep the doctor away”

Going back to chewing on the ball,”Errr, this tastes terrible …”

“Could be cow hide, you know!”

Throwing the ball away in disgust, Gambhir glared again, “I guess I’m better off belting the hide off that ball then!”

“Yes, yes Gauti! Next game is very crucial, but just make sure when running with Yuvraj……”

“Look, you fool! You people assume anything watching TV! It was just that Yuvraj’s fly was open and I was keen on running up to him and telling him about that!”


http://www.cricketcountry.com/cricket-articles/Gambhir-explains-the-fly-in-the-ointment-while-running-with-Yuvraj-/1506

India/Pakistan Semi Final WC 2011 - Two Little Gems

Two telling performances didn’t quite get the accolades they deserved in India’s win over Pakistan.

The typical Sehwag start took one key Pakistan player completely out of the game. Umar Gul, who had hitherto been a fine performer at the start and in the latter stages of the game, was completely shattered by Sehwag’s blazing pyrotechnics. Gul’s miserable fielding efforts seemed to prove his state of mind after the Sehwag bludgeoning. Had Gul been at his normal self with the ball and combined with Wahab Riaz on that day, it may not even have been a 100 over game. Sehwag just took one critical player out of the game for India.

At 205/6 in the 42nd over when Dhoni departed, and with just the tail to come, India looked doomed to something in the range of perhaps 225. Full credit is due to Raina for having shepherded the innings to a respectable 260 at the end. Raina’s innings is even more precious given how the tail batted without any common sense – trying ambitious heaves instead of attempting a single to give Raina the strike.

Where the advantage given by Sehwag was frittered away by the middle-order, Raina ensured a score that could apply some pressure when the chase started. Pertinent to also note that the Pakistani fielding that was ragged in the early part of the innings picked itself up towards the end, and not many runs were gifted. Had India finished around 225, it would have needed more than a miracle to win.

Was the final result more owing to a disciplined Indian bowling performance or poor Pakistani batting? Even Shahid Afridi’s little girls placed the blame on Misbah-Ul-Haq for slow batting. Pakistani networks lambasted both Misbah and Younis for choking in the middle, as they berated Hafeez for throwing away his wicket. Gifted, not earned wickets, was the loud cry.
The Pakistan batsmen never looked nervous about the bowling. They were just under immense pressure. Had Hafeez batted another 10 overs the script would have been very different, probably as different it would have been for India had Sehwag batten another 10 overs earlier in the day. Umar Akmal, playing with a fearless approach was the only real threat India had to remove.

Excellent captaincy, disciplined bowling and safe catching did help in the ultimate analysis. But take away the small gems from Sehwag at the start and Raina at the end and we could have been witnessed a very different result. Perhaps, one of the two really deserved the Man of the Match award in a game that was all about handling pressure.


http://www.cricketcountry.com/cricket-fan/posts/India-Pakistan-Semi-Final-Two-Little-Gems-/post-968/comments/page/1

Why Zaheer Needed A Rest In The World Cup!

With just under less than two weeks for the start of the Indian Premier League (IPL), I decided to meet up with a key administrator of the Royal Challengers Bangalore (RCB) to check out the team’s preparations.

I told myself repeatedly not to speak of the World Cup, not even the Indo-Pak game. Given the huge stakes, it would be natural for team owners and key administrators to be focused entirely on the IPL preparations. Right?

As I was shown into his chamber, the RCB heavyweight looked up, “Oh, it is you! I didn’t know it was you waiting for the last three hours. Actually I had far more important things to clear and you could have waited for another ….”

I squirmed like unprotected batsmen facing Dale Steyn and mumbled, “Just a few thoughts, Sir, on how things are on the IPL preparations for RCB! That is all, Sir… Just a few thoughts from you, Sir.”

In my state of nervousness, I was now rambling more than mumbling.

“Oh, it has been a mixed bag! We are not at all happy that South Africa lost to New Zealand the other day! They should have played Morne Van Wyk!”

“But what has RCB and IPL to do with the South Africa-New Zealand quarter-final game? Errr….”

“I also wish the Aussies had gone on for a 3rd consecutive World Cup win,” he thundered!

“But, Sir…India winning World Cup for Sachin?”

“Are you a RCB supporter? An RCB fan?”

“Yes, Sir! Of course, I’m a RCB fan!”

“Then how can you be happy with New Zealand winning and Australia losing?”

“But, Sir, that’s in the World Cup”

“How naïve can you be? Tell me, who should play at Mohali for India? Zaheer Khan or Sreesanth?

“Of course, Zaheer Khan, Sir! He has been brilliant, Sir. He is our best bowler, Sir! He is fantastic! Sreesanth is so useless.”

“And you still want Zaheer, our best bowler to play and not Sreesanth?”

“Sir….”

“Don’t you read the game properly? With South Africa losing, de Villiers would get some deserved rest. But Daniel Vettori, coming off an injury, is still playing. If you asked me, I wished New Zealand had lost and Vettori got some more rest. Thank goodness we didn’t retain Roscoe! I’m concerned about Zaheer as well. Normally his shoulder or hamstring acts up after seven or eight consecutive games. Why don’t you write that he should be rested at Mohali?”

“But, Sir, it’s very big game for India and that too against Pakistan. And Zaheer is our only wicket-taking bowler!”

“Look, are you stupid? You came here to talk about RCB preparations, right? And now you worry about an India-Pakistan game! You just don’t simply understand the business part of the game that is so essential! Look at that, Dilshan! What is he doing exerting himself the way he is in taxing weather conditions in Colombo? You think he is paid the big bucks to be on the field for the entire game in a World Cup match? The entire game? Why doesn’t he make Kumar Sangakkara or Mahela Jayawardene also bat and sweat in those conditions? Our first game is against Kochi! Do you still think Zaheer should play in place of Sreesanth? ”

“Sir, but Pakistan, semi-final and World Cup …..”

“Oh God! Vettori, Zaheer, Dilshan are key RCB players and you want them to continue playing? Are you mad! GET OUT!!!”

With just under less than two weeks for the start of the Indian Premier League (IPL), I decided to meet up with a key administrator of the Royal Challengers Bangalore (RCB) to check out the team’s preparations.

I told myself repeatedly not to speak of the World Cup, not even the Indo-Pak game. Given the huge stakes, it would be natural for team owners and key administrators to be focused entirely on the IPL preparations. Right?

As I was shown into his chamber, the RCB heavyweight looked up, “Oh, it is you! I didn’t know it was you waiting for the last three hours. Actually I had far more important things to clear and you could have waited for another ….”

I squirmed like unprotected batsmen facing Dale Steyn and mumbled, “Just a few thoughts, Sir, on how things are on the IPL preparations for RCB! That is all, Sir… Just a few thoughts from you, Sir.”

In my state of nervousness, I was now rambling more than mumbling.

“Oh, it has been a mixed bag! We are not at all happy that South Africa lost to New Zealand the other day! They should have played Morne Van Wyk!”

“But what has RCB and IPL to do with the South Africa-New Zealand quarter-final game? Errr….”

“I also wish the Aussies had gone on for a 3rd consecutive World Cup win,” he thundered!

“But, Sir…India winning World Cup for Sachin?”

“Are you a RCB supporter? An RCB fan?”

“Yes, Sir! Of course, I’m a RCB fan!”

“Then how can you be happy with New Zealand winning and Australia losing?”

“But, Sir, that’s in the World Cup”

“How naïve can you be? Tell me, who should play at Mohali for India? Zaheer Khan or Sreesanth?

“Of course, Zaheer Khan, Sir! He has been brilliant, Sir. He is our best bowler, Sir! He is fantastic! Sreesanth is so useless.”

“And you still want Zaheer, our best bowler to play and not Sreesanth?”

“Sir….”

“Don’t you read the game properly? With South Africa losing, de Villiers would get some deserved rest. But Daniel Vettori, coming off an injury, is still playing. If you asked me, I wished New Zealand had lost and Vettori got some more rest. Thank goodness we didn’t retain Roscoe! I’m concerned about Zaheer as well. Normally his shoulder or hamstring acts up after seven or eight consecutive games. Why don’t you write that he should be rested at Mohali?”

“But, Sir, it’s very big game for India and that too against Pakistan. And Zaheer is our only wicket-taking bowler!”

“Look, are you stupid? You came here to talk about RCB preparations, right? And now you worry about an India-Pakistan game! You just don’t simply understand the business part of the game that is so essential! Look at that, Dilshan! What is he doing exerting himself the way he is in taxing weather conditions in Colombo? You think he is paid the big bucks to be on the field for the entire game in a World Cup match? The entire game? Why doesn’t he make Kumar Sangakkara or Mahela Jayawardene also bat and sweat in those conditions? Our first game is against Kochi! Do you still think Zaheer should play in place of Sreesanth? ”

“Sir, but Pakistan, semi-final and World Cup …..”

“Oh God! Vettori, Zaheer, Dilshan are key RCB players and you want them to continue playing? Are you mad! GET OUT!!!”


http://www.cricketcountry.com/cricket-articles/Why-Zaheer-Khan-should-be-rested-/1550

Indian Cricket's Theme Song

What matters at the end is winning. A win absolves any weakness or shortcoming that was pertinent until that point. An Indian cricketing win absolves a sinner of all misdeeds and converts him to a saint. An Indian cricketing win instantly converts a pauper into a millionaire.

The Indian batting was rated as a strong line-up, and the problems for the Indian camp was not whom to play but whom to leave out from the batting line-up. Hearts did beat when the bowling line-up was looked at; the inclusion of Piyush Chawla was questioned and ridiculed, and Shantakumaran Sreesanth’s replacement for an injured Praveen did nothing to put the Indian heart at ease or comfort.

The league stage for India threw up plenty of worrisome questions on the batting front. Batting collapses from a position of strength, when they were posed to bat opposition out of the game, and also the lack of runs from skipper Mahendra Singh Dhoni himself were key concerns.

Group B was the tougher of the two groups, and it was ironical that only one Group B side went into the last four, whilst the relatively easier Group A saw three sides move into the last four. Sri Lanka came into the final with relatively comfortable wins over New Zealand and England.

Even a biased script writer couldn’t have put together a better scenario for India in the knock-out stage. India had to put away the Aussie challenge built on a fine return-to-form hundred from Ponting; then overcome a batting failure by bowling a steady line and fielding brilliantly against Pakistan, two aspects of the game that was not seen as their strengths.

Battle hardened India were clearly favorites at Wankhede, and deservingly so. The fielding and bowling stifled Sri Lanka at the start. Sri Lanka missed the “Colombo Comfort” at the start as the most successful opening pair in this tournament struggled against Zaheer Khan on a wicket very different from the Premadasa pitch. Zaheer’s fine line was supported by the fleet footed off-side arc of Yuvraj Singh, Suresh Raina and Virat Kohli. The magnificence of Mahela Jayawardene kept Sri Lanka in the game, and the batting powerplay blaze took them to a score that could have been defended.

Champion sides get out of troublesome situations, and India did that precisely after the Lasith Malinga twin strikes sent back Virender Sehwag and Sachin Tendulkar quite early in the innings. While Gautam Gambhir put his best performance of the tournament with the bat, Dhoni read the situation to absolute perfection. His decision to promote himself was a brave one, taking responsibility in the most crucial moment of the tournament. Dhoni’s innings was an intelligent and well measured knock. He settled in with his first 12 runs taking 21 balls, after which he switched gears. The next 38 runs to reach his 50 took 31 balls, after which he nailed the Sri Lankan coffin with his last 41 runs comings off just 27 deliveries.

Dhoni success story as a captain has been phenomenal: Leading India to a T-20 World Cup win, leading the Chennai Super Kings (CSK) to victory in the Indian Premier League triumph in 2010, leading India to the No 1 position in Test cricket and now leading India to a 50-over World Cup win after 28 years!

Yenga thalai Dhoniyukku periya whistle adiyungo! (Put in a big whistle for our leader Dhoni!) runs Chennai Super Kings (CSK) theme song in Tamil. Perhaps that should now become Indian cricket’s theme song as well!

(originally written for www.cricketcountry.com)