Dhoni's Tonsured Head - The Reason

My editor threw back the CWC final report at my face. “People see the game live, and over and over and over again on TV! You describe the game all over and call this an article?. Get something better or you are fired!” he screamed.

Crestfallen, I wondered what to do, and thought the best idea would be to meet the best Leader in the country and get some ideas.

All roads seem to be leading to Chennai, and when I expressed my inability to get to Chennai from Bangalore, my Editor again screamed! “Think!! Think!! You cannot get to Chennai given the IPL game there on 8th!! Take a flight to Delhi, use some political influence to get a ticket, telling them you will garner Tamil Nadu electoral votes and then fly to Chennai”.

Now who do I run into after landing at New Delhi airport? Virender Sehwag himself!!

“Congratulations Viru! You have created history, do you know??” I rushed to him.

Viru smiled, “Thanks, thanks, I know”

“Oye Viru, am not talking of the win! I think you are the only batsman to have used the UDRS twice in three deliveries faced, and then walked back to the pavilion twice!!”

“Arre yaar, what to do?” Viru sounded genuinely apologetic. “We just don’t understand UDRS na!!! I all along thought it was VDRS!!”

“VDRS?”

“Yeah, I thought it was Viru Dismissal Rejection System!!”

Viru was kind enough to call for emergency service as I collapsed to the floor. Managing my way to Chennai, I rushed straight to meet the Leader himself, Mahendra Singh Dhoni!

I was delivered another body blow as I entered his room. I found Dhoni sobbing bitterly, face buried in his palms!

Unwittingly I screamed in Tamil “Dey Mottai!! Yenna aachu?” (‘Hey Tonsured! What happened? ’ or “Oye Taklu! Kya huva?”).

He looked up and then graduated from sobbing to wailing aloud!! “Nooooooooooooooo!” he wailed, as I stood in shock! Captain cool as a cucumber who never showed any expressions on the field, acknowledged at the best leader in the country crying like this??

I moved closer to him. “Mahi!! What happened? Did someone tease you as Mahendra Shakaal Dhoni?”

His head shook vigorously.

“Huh? Did Sakshi ban you from partying and going after other………….”

“No no, she has gone to her maikey!” and he continued to wail.

“Boss! Tell me why you are crying!! You are a leader, and leaders don’t cry! You are the best, better than Kapil or Dada or anyone! You are better than Bradman, better than Benaud, better than Lloyd, better than Ian Chappell, better than Illingworth!! Better than everyone! Even Tendulkar could never be a leader, not even be a captain for long!”

“Exactly!” he continued to sob, “and do you know why I tonsured my head?”

“I know why you are crying now Mahi!!” I was excited now, thinking I had figured out the reason! “Gillette didn’t give you a million dollar contract for the head blade advertisement is it?”

The back handed slap from Mahi sent me sprawling across the room. Crawling on all fours and now red faced, which is very different for me, I got back closer to the now bitterly sobbing man.

“Please tell me! Are you crying because Guru Gary is gone?”

“You just don’t follow at all, do you?” Dhoni looked up, “What do leaders do?”

“Well, they ….. they make a lot of money!”

“Aaargghhh!!” he looked around for something heavy and I quickly backtracked on all fours on the floor.

“Boss!! Please please, tell me why?” I pleaded, from a safe distance now.

“Think!! What do leaders do? “

“Errrrr ….. they lead, win a lot of cups and stuff!”

“And?” he thundered now. “OK! What does the PM do?”

“He does what madam tells him!”

“Aarrrgghhhh!!”, he made a motion that seemed like that of one wanting to his hair in frustration before realization struck him. “You don’t understand at all! Leaders show the way right? Yes or no?”

“Ofcourse ofcourse Mahi!”

“And why do you think I removed all my hair?” he was now looking intently at me.

I shook my head, completely accepting defeat!

“I have to lead the team man, and I wanted to show the way! I was hoping that by tonsuring my hair Sreesanth will follow me and remove that ugly bush off his head!! I called to check if he had done it but that joker was having a coconut oil hair treatment before going to streak his hair to look more like Malinga now!!

“Mera baaaaal!” he clutched his tonsured head and then resumed wailing.